Music of the Ice: The Return of Gary Glitter?

I know this might seem like it has little to do with a dude hikin' it and carrying a surfboard. And in some ways that might be true. But at the same time, half of the fun of just heading out and cuttin' cross-culture is the opportunity you have to examine all the things these people have come to love and participate in. While surfing the net the other day, I came across a Facebook group urging electronic music enthusiasts to pen a drum n' bass track that could be adopted as the theme song for Canada's most watched bit of television programming -- Hockey Night in Canada. There could be no real better way to get a grasp of the Canadian cultural landscape, I would like to suggest, than to take a look at the sport of hockey, who gives a fuck and who doesn't and the music that has come to embody it. But as Gary Glitter is released from prison and hockey looks for a way to move beyond ancient scandals and corporate television strives to remain relevant in an internet age:

I say LETS NOT FORGET THE HEY! SONG.

Over the course of this summer I have been fortunate enough to come into contact with much of the music that symbolizes that oh-so-Canadian sport, Hockey. Pierre can attest to me playing the actual 2 Unlimited record ("Y'all ready for this...") over the phone for him. Hitchhiking around and groovin' to the country, you'll often get to connect with older blue collar-type dudes that are into guys like Neil Young or Stompin' Tom Connors (who wrote the famous "Good Ole' Hockey Game" song). And, possibly most importantly, there's been a bidding over the last several months over a beloved piece of Canadiana -- a massive war amongst two of our major Canadian media players for an artistic piece that could make or break these corporations' market share dominance -- I'm talking about the scramble for the "Hockey Night in Canada Song" fumble, of course.

If a song can capture the front page of multiple national papers for days in a row -- and light up the internet's electro-waves with what we are told will be top-notch content as we go to check out email -- you know the music of the frozen water is worth at least writing a blog post about.

However, for me, the reason I have been so touched by Hockey anthems over the past several months goes beyond just abject fascination. See, leaving Toronto to go ramble about in the infrastructure playground all up and down North America, out of nowhere I suddenly came to the realization that, of all the (hundreds of?) people I know in the City, probably only 2 play hockey. I mean sure, we'll go down and dick around at Nathan Phillip's Square on the pond at City Hall, or hit up the Harbourfront Centre -- but I don't know anyone really who has hockey equiptment even. Well -- one dude does, but that's it. And every once and awhile, staring at a blasted rock face with my thumb out like a fish hook, searching for that next ride, my mind will drift off with the wispy clouds and remember early morning treks through dark forests, steaming hot chocolate, arcade games, and then the giant bright arena -- smelling oh-so-manufactured -- smelling oh-so-fresh. I don't think it's something I could "fall in love" with, the way I have with the whole surfing mystique. But I know my grandpa did.

And hour after hour, day after day, working at the burger factory, I just got this weird sinking feeling in my stomach. The "kachunk kachunk kachunk" of the stackers, lining 7 circular frozen discs (patties) on top of each other, sounded exactly like pucks smacking against the boards in the neutral zone. The "kaboom" of the pallets slamming the concrete floor seemed to echo the perfect bodycheck. And I shit you not, there were hockey buzzers that would go off at random, as if the period was over or someone just flicked a nice wrist shot upstairs after deeking out two primo defencemen (I asked, but no one ever seemed to know what the buzzers where actually for -- or else they couldn't understand my question). My hands would freeze up after touching what would soon become Papa Burgers for hours on end, just as they used to turn a nice pink in my hockey gloves (used KOHOs I think they were). Artificial ice and mist lined the machines and certain walls.

This terrible sinking feeling actually had nothing to do with myself. It was more connected to the fact that I knew that the majority of the people around me, largely immigrants and people with little connection to "traditional Canadian" ways, just would have no way of connecting with these images and experiences I was being reminded of. Not that I could not connect with them, but rather that I was just saddened by the difficulty with which I was seeing these gentle and kind people connect with true Canadian culture. I would go for hours and hours just humming different hockey tunes in my head -- tunes I knew many of these new Canadians might never get to know. And that was the big discrepancy of the burger factory: it promised the workers a gateway into Canadian culture, but it worked its crew so hard they had little time to connect with the actual community they were living in. I mean, I was there because I got stuck. It was an accident. But for many of the employees, this was their one shot. To provide a life free of China's smog-filled air for their kids, for many, the burger factory was the key -- the only way. I mean, many of the workers there had been working for a year or two and still couldn't speak a full English sentence. Seriously. I'm not making this shit up. And the irony of it all was that several of the girls and guys I talked to actually came to Saskatoon to learn more English than they would surrounded by bustling ethnic enclaves in a place like Vancouver or Toronto. That was what pissed me off most about the production facility.

And here I want to put in my two cents. I grew up watching Hockey Night in Canada. It has a special place in my heart -- as it does in the hearts of so many other Canadians. To me the day hockey dies is the day they make a reality TV show about its theme song (i.e. today). I don't intend to summon any sort of rallying cry -- but I would like to put forward an idea. There is another way. Let CTVGLOBEMEDIA take over the REAL hockey song... whatever... but instead of the CBC whoring itself out to the whims of modern television culture and making a circus of something that's meant so much to so many for so long (the Hockey Night in Canada Theme Song is unofficially known as "Canada's second national anthem" -- seriously) -- why not adopt a song that's already a "hockey song" and use it as the theme song. And this brings us to Gary Glitter.

Recently maligned by child sex abuse jail time in Thailand, and even more recently released from prison, the glam-rocker Gary Glitter is not a beloved man these days (although cops around the world are interested in face-time with the guy). But the song he released back in 1972 "Rock n' Roll Part 2" has come to not only survive his disgrace, but remains what some refer to as the Rocky Song of Hockey -- and continues to rock arenas around to the globe.

It was first played in the International Hockey League in Kalamazoo back when the organ still ruled the ice. Later on, it was introduced into the professional scene over in Colorado -- as the dude running the show there in Michigan took his secret weapon over to the Rockies. Fans fell in love and have never let go since. I mean the song was in fucking Happy Gilmore -- which is essentially a pop-culture "Ode to Hockey".



It's called "the Hey! song" because that is the only word you can actually decipher in the entire piece. But the raw emotion and throbbing testosterone inducing melodic lines are more than palpable. Beer guzzlers from coast to coast to coast can really relate. Foster Hewitt might actually get to stop rolling in his grave. I can guarantee you that Elliot Friedman would get pumped the fuck up to ask a shitload more kick-ass questions to buff overpaid athletes on steroids. Shit, come to think of it, with the Gary Glitter song firmly in place you wouldn't even need illegal substance -- that's how effective it is. Sports Illustrated proclaims that "the strains of 'Rock and Roll Part II' can turn chumps to champs".

When Gary was sent to prison, the NFL (which, like many other sports out there, has caught onto what Hockey pioneered) told teams to yank to song from their lineups. And for awhile they obeyed. And so it was in the National Hockey League as well: fans without their magic potion, goalies without that ultimate kick to pace back and forth to in their aquarium-blue crease, men losing their drive to score. It just wasn't right. And so the song made a comeback.

These days sports DJs trade tips on the raddest remixes of the tune recorded in a variety of conditions, sift through vintage 45s and gauge crowd anticipation levels -- waiting for the perfect chance to drop this bomb and shatter the arenas under their control. They know the shit's hype.

And much in the same way that the Hockey Night in Canada song has moved beyond, in fact, one corporate branded platform and into the general stratosphere of hockey (Canadians were literally aghast -- LITERALLY! You should have seen their faces -- fuck Afghanistan, fuck Iraq -- our NATION is at stake! they said with their gaping mouths and giant eyes), Garry Glitter’s music has moved beyond him. Now Rock and Roll Part II has transformed into something entirely different – completely apart from literary disputation, international police task forces and sex offense charges. The song has moved into the upper echelons of musical fame and penetrated with tenacious vigour, the sweet hockey consciousness: the song has become hockey.

And so my advice to the CBC is this: pay Glitter a ton of royalties and brand this song CBC -- you'll only be doing yourself a favour. The fans might have something to genuinely smile about. There could be spin-off Gary Glitter memoirs and autobiography cash to get your hands on too.

And please, if nothing else oh powerful CBC execs... If you shut down "the Hey! song" -- please at least use Steam's "Na Na Hey Hey Kiss Him Goodbye". You'll be doing yourself a bigger favour than you could ever understand.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/517604.stm
http://music.yahoo.com/read/news/12044963
http://vault.sportsillustrated.cnn.com/vault/article/magazine/MAG1004585/2/index.htm
http://www.hockeymusic.ca/forum/showthread.php?p=8892

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